Posted on: April 10, 2020 Posted by: admin Comments: 0

Hi… Here are some more jokes to lighten the mood. We take this virus serious so please. Please take the time to look at some of our other resources including Food Safety when you come back from shopping, SBA Advances and EDD per state in Government Resources, Health Resources in an Emergency, and 19 Facts about Covid-19. This is a source for you, your family, and friends so pleases spread the word by passing along this site via email and your social media links.

AND NOW THE FUNNIES…..

28 Coronavirus Jokes to Retrain Your Face How to Smile by Emily Kelleher of Fatherly https://www.fatherly.com/play/best-coronavirus-jokes/

What’s the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo and Juliet?

One’s the coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis. You know who buys up all the toilet paper? Assholes.

Why do they call it the novel coronavirus? It’s a long story….

Why didn’t the sick guy get the joke? It flu over his head.

Why don’t chefs find coronavirus jokes funny? They’re in bad taste.

I’ll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it.

Nail salons, hair salons, waxing center and tanning places are closed. It’s about to get ugly out there.

Finland just closed its borders. You know what that means. No one will be crossing the finish line.

What do you tell yourself when you wake up late for work and realize you have a fever? Self, I so late.

Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around.

Where do sick boats go to get healthy?

The dock! What did the sick parent make their kids for lunch? Mac and sneeze.

I ran out of toilet paper and had to start using old newspapers. Times are rough.

You know what they’re saying about 2020. It went viral faster than anyone thought it would.

What do you call panic-buying of sausage and cheese in Germany? The wurst kase scenario.

Back in my day you would cough to cover up a fart. Now, with COVID-19, you fart to cover up a cough.

If there’s a baby boom nine months from now, what will happen in 2033? There will be a whole bunch of quaranteens.

You know what they say: feed a cold, starve a fever, drink a corona.

What should you do if you don’t understand a coronavirus joke? Be patient.

If Coronavirus isn’t about beer, why do I keep seeing cases of it?

The grocery stores in France look like tornadoes hit them. All that’s left is de brie.

Still no toilet paper in the stores. They’re wiped out and you’re shit out of luck.

So many coronavirus jokes out there, it’s a pundemic.

Yeah I have plans tonight. I’ll probably hit the living room around 8 or 9.

What did the man say to the bartender? I’ll have a corona, hold the virus.

30 days hath September, April, June, and November, all the rest have 31, except for March which has infinite.

What types of jokes are allowed during quarantine? Inside jokes!

What’s the best way to avoid touching your face? A glass of wine in each hand.

  • Tom Hanks survived 4 years on an island as a castaway….
  • He spent a year in an airport without being able to leave….
  • Caught AIDS in Philadelphia….
  • He was in World War II and rescued Private Ryan….
  • He went to Vietnam and rescued Lieutenant Dan….
  • Was on a boat kidnapped by Somali pirates….
  • Survived Apollo 13 trying to reach the Moon….
  • Landed a Boeing on the Hudson River….
  • If that son of a bitch dies of coronavirus we are ALL SCREWED !!!!!!!!

AND A FEW MORE…..

A plane with 5 passengers on board — Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel, the Pope and a 10-year-old schoolgirl — is about to crash and there are only 4 parachutes. Trump says “I need one. I’m the smartest man in the USA and I’m needed to solve the pandemic!” He takes one parachute and jumps. Johnson says ‘I’m needed to sort out the COVID-19 mess in Britain’. He takes one and jumps. The Pope says, “The world’s Catholics depend on me for comfort in a time of fear.” He takes one and jumps. “You can have the last parachute,” Merkel says to the 10-year-old. “I’ve lived my life. Yours is only just starting.  “The little girl replies: “Don’t worry, there are 2 parachutes left, the smartest man in the USA just took my school bag.”

CORONA LIFE OBSERVATIONS -Life is still GOOD…☺☺☺
 
The scary part is, some of this sounds very familiar.
Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.


I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe.


I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
Still haven’t decided where to go for Easter —– The Living Room or The Bedroom


PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.


Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.


I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we’d go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone


This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog….. we laughed a lot.


So, after this quarantine…..will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?


Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.


My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.


Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.


I’m so excited — it’s time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?


I Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.


Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said “I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year”…. I’m offended.


Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under

Coronavirus is the best thing that could happen to a bloke:

  • The wife does not want to travel.
  • She doesn’t want to buy anything because everything comes from China.
  • She does not go to the shopping centre for fear of being infected.
  • She spends all day and night with her mouth covered.

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